Location! Location! Location!

Isn’t it sad that the older we get, the harder it is to keep fit, healthy, trim, taut and terrific.

The kilos pile on at an alarming rate, the muscles hurt for days after a bit of exercise and the wrinkles and grey hairs seem to be competing to see which can multiply the most in the shortest space of time. Even the brain cells seem to be winding down. What was that other thing I was going to mention? Oh I forget…never mind ……...it might come to me in the morning……

Yes, it hardly seems fair that the human form seems so hell bent on dilapidation. After all, it’s not like most of us don’t take care of ourselves. We eat our fibre, drink our water, eat fruit and walk the dogs. What more do we have to do?

I mean, if I was a house, I would simply be in need of a renovation and some cashed up property mogul would come along and weave some creative magic on my tired façade. Some render here, some new stumps there, an electrical overhaul and a new roof, perhaps.

Or better still, wouldn’t it be great if I could just flog off the old body and upgrade to a new “residence”?

I can just imagine the advertisement for that!

For Genuine Sale

Renovators Delight
Female Human Body
Circa 1960
Solid construction
Rustic charm
Some ornamental features

Give the old girl a new lease on life!

Yes, buyers, this yesteryear beauty may be in need of renovation, but with a little TLC, some spakfilla, a good paint job (and perhaps even some minor earth moving equipment), she could be given a whole new lease on life!

The following minor defects have been identified:

• Sagging awnings
• Creaking frame
• Cracked external cladding
• Leaky plumbing
• Loose wiring
• Faded roof tiles
• Bats in the attic

So Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! buyers.

This little beauty won’t last!

(Inspection by appointment only. Bring wine)