Winners are Grinners

I’ve always thought of myself as a fairly ‘non competitive’ person. Not for me the ‘stoush to the end’ for winners glory. “I’m a lover – not a fighter!” I would cry if challenged to any kind of sporting duel.

However, when I reflect more closely on my personal history of competition, I find that I was not, in fact, the little mouse who stood in the corner of the court/stadium/spelling bee podium and let everyone walk, run, throw, smash balls (or verbs) all over her. No, I could hold my own and did so in quite a feisty fashion.

First there was netball. After the insult of not being picked for the top Grade 6 team, I set about forming my own little team, known (perhaps somewhat unfortunately, upon reflection) as “The Way Outs”.

We were a motley little crew with more artistic than ball-throwing talent. What hope did we have – sickly looking in our pallid lemon-coloured tunics -- against the vibrant and physically superior ‘A Team’ resplendent in their royal blue shifts with snazzy gold lettering emblazoned on their bibs? Not much hope at all, seemingly, but that didn’t stop us -- and we even made it to the semi finals that year.

Then there was tennis. For years I played all around the district. On hard court and lawn, in all kinds of weather. As a young mum, I dragged babies and toddlers (and everything but the kitchen sink!) to stinking hot, dry, out of the way places -- just to play tennis.

But even though I could whack my way around the court pretty well, I never quite managed to work my way up to Number 1 pair in the Mixed round. Usually I ended up playing with my spouse (never a good idea if marital bliss is your ultimate aim) or got landed with the ‘fourth’ guy who always seemed to think he was John McEnroe but played, in fact, more like Elmer Fudd.

So why am I ruminating about my competitive spirit? Well, since taking up golf in recent times, I have played in several competitions; most recently in a Mixed 4 Ball tournament. Our team, two men and two women, headed out to the first tee with no real hopes of winning. However, as our Stableford score mounted encouragingly we realised we may well be actually in the race and started getting excited. With each extra point earned we hopped madly around the greens doing “Hi Fives!” and “Woohoo-ing!” much to the bemusement, no doubt, of our fellow golfers.

As we made our way back to the clubhouse, our Captain tallied up the score and excitedly informed us that we had 100 points. This, he assured us, was a very good score for Stableford. But was it enough, we wondered? Especially given that we were nearly all relative beginners (which kind of explains why our scores were so high; it’s not hard to be competitive when you have a handicap of 39!) Surely, we thought, there will be plenty of higher scores than ours.

However, when the announcements were later made at the 19th Hole, we found we did, indeed, have the top score. Unfortunately we shared the same score with another group and lost on a countback -- so even our rubbish handicaps couldn’t save the day.

But anyway, as I gathered up my prizes (six balls and a golf towel) I couldn’t help but feel pretty smug and pleased with myself.

“Watch out for us next time!” I whispered silently to the team who had pipped us at the post (conveniently forgetting that they are all on one figure handicaps and are therefore still actually much better players than us. My competitive tail was up!)

And now, my pretties, to figure out how I can keep my astoundingly high handicap and still win lots of golf in the future!

Cue ‘Evil Laugh’. Bruuhhhaahha!

Why Golf can Help Your Kids be Nice People

As I ambled around the golf course this morning, it occurred to me that golf is a bit of a metaphor for life.

Sometimes things go your way. You get that nice little ‘cracking’ sound as you wallop your dreams from the tee right onto the fairway of life and you feel as if you’re cruising. Life is good!

Other times you whack a dodgy into the rough and find yourself having to chip around obstacles and problems.

Then there are the occasions when you land in a full-on bunker. Doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t seem to dig your way out.

Taking this ‘life/golf’ idea even further, I got to thinking that perhaps all children should be taught how to play golf.

Why? Because in golf you are expected to honour rules and etiquette – concepts every child needs to learn.

For example, when a player steps up to the tee, everyone else is expected to keep still and shut up while they take their shot. Now that’s a good lesson in manners.

And you have to take turns in golf, meaning that sharing, waiting and being patient are ….um … par for the course (if you will pardon my pun!).

If you chop out a divot on a golf course, you are expected to repair it.

That’s about respecting your environment and being considerate of other’s who use the space.

If you’re playing slowly and another group of players is hard on your heels, it’s etiquette to offer to let them ‘play through’ so as to not hold up their game. That’s being thoughtful.

When a player does a rubbish shot, it’s considered inappropriate to laugh or mock them -- tempting as this might be! That’s a lesson in kindness and learning to control one’s impulses. (In any case, if you’re anything like me, chances are you will soon do a rubbish shot yourself!)

When you finish using each club, it’s good form to wipe it clean before replacing it in your bag. That’s a lesson in taking care of one’s own things.
Some golf links have special rules about attire, so this is a lesson in caring about how you present yourself.

Bad language on a golf course is discouraged, so our budding Greg Normans would be learning to watch their ‘p’s and ‘qs’ (and ‘f’s) and use appropriate language.
And finally, the nineteenth hole is off limits for juniors so they won’t be associating alcohol with sport …. or learning to tell big fibs about how many birdies, eagles, albatrosses they almost got.

There, that’s it. One game of golf and our kids would have learned the basics of how to behave in the game of life!

Well, now I’ve got the next generation sorted, I wonder if I can get some of those naughty adult players to start toeing the line?

What’s that? A new rule, you say? All do-gooding Kitchen Philosophers are banned from the local course?

Hmph!